Tuesday, October 25, 2011

And, um, these are, f*ck me, absolutely enormous panties ...

As the big wedding day looms I have been questioned by a few people if I had made the important wedding day underwear purchase yet. To be honest, the idea had not even crossed my mind. An email from trade secret advertising a big underwear sales event prompted me to go investigate my options.

Rows and racks of frills, lace and whatever those contraptions are called that you attach stockings to greeted me. I carefully inspected each appropriate (read, sexy) looking item, copped a feel and thought that just about every pair of the assumed sexy knickers would end up up my bum. Yes, some of them were totally cute but not totally wedge-proof.

Normally, the boring but comfortable-and-no-wedgie bikini briefs are my undies of choice. Bonds particularly if I can get them cheap enough. I don't even own a g anymore.

But being my wedding night, certain assumptions are made. Assumptions that I should be wearing some sort of sexy underwear to lure my husband into the bedroom to consummate our marriage. Well, if you had read my wedding checklist post you would know that we have booked out a fabulous campground for the entire weekend.

If you put two and two together you'll figure out that campground = camping = no bedroom as such. To make our stay a little more comfortable we have hired a caravan to rest our heads once all the dancing, drinking and mayhem is done with. I may be a little prudish and not doing my 'wifely' duty but I doubt there will be any sort of consummating going on or in other words


if the caravan's-a-rocking, don't-come-a-knockin' action.

I left the shop sans-undies but with some socks and a new shirt for the boy. I even questioned him when we returned to trade secret the following day for a belt (no, not of the chastity variety) about the idea of wedding underwear. He would never dare to step inside the ladies underwear section in case some sort of a-male-has-entered alarm went off but explained that there is no need to have to worry about wearing sexy undies.

So that's that. I have full permission to wear whatever I feel comfortable in.

Bridget Jones panties anyone? (post title courtesy of one of my favourite movies - Bridget Jones's Diary)




Camelia Crinoline said...

This made me chuckle. The idea of sexy wedding underwear is sort of funny these days because most people that get married have already seen each other in their underwear/live together beforehand so it just seems kind of pointless. Also, I think high waisted knickers, as long as they're not beige Bridget Jones ones, are totally sexy. Knickers up your bum, however, not sexy.

kalgm4 said...

Ohhh this made me laugh.... the concept of the sexy undies is a nice idea BUT I think go with whatever is going to be comfortable and functional as a bride picking her knickers out of her bum is not attractive. Better to have un-sexy undies (maybe not so far as bridget jones style though) I think than have someone take a kodak moment of you pulling things back in to place. The boy is going to be blown away by how you look on the outside (as a complete package), like you said I don't think he'll give a second thought to what you've got on underneath. LOL